The Real Slim Shady
In 1956 a new game show was launched called To Tell the Truth. The format had a
moderator welcome three guests who were all introduced with the same identity. A
panel of career television personalities would question the guests and try to
deduce which one was telling the truth and which two were impostors. Finally,
at the end of the questioning, the moderator looked at the guests and said,
“Will the real ________________ please stand up?”
This became a trendy catch phrase that ranked
with “Where’s the beef?” and “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.” Marshall
Matters, aka Eminem, had some fun with the phrase in 2002 and again in 2005 in
his anthem “The Real Slim Shady.” The character was the rapper’s alter ego who
disses the world of manufactured pop songs. He says that all the fashion trends
are due to his success and everyone is copying him. He declares, “I’m the Slim
Shady, I’m the real Slim Shady, all the other Slim Shadys are just imitators.” Then
he borrows from the old catch phrase: “Would the real Slim Shady please stand
up. Please stand up.”
I was reminded of these things upon watching the
third presidential debate between President Obama and former Governor Mitt
Romney. That night it seemed that the soul of the previously hawkish Romney had
morphed into a Peter, Paul, and Mary-styled peacenik. I could only conclude
that the essence and aura of the late great Vietnam War critic and 1972
presidential candidate, George McGovern, who had shed his earthly coil only the
day before, had miraculously made its way into the inner being of the
previously swaggering, bomb throwing, rebel arming Mitt Romney. What else in
the world could account for such a transformation in such a short time?
Retired General Colin Powell, in his recent
endorsement of President Obama, said that Romney had agreed with the President
“on every issue with some nuances,” but “this is a quite different set of
foreign policy views from those he held earlier in the campaign.” “He is a
moving target,” said the good general.
Powell’s observation is quite accurate. If you
follow Mitt’s career, you will see more identities than at a Peter Sellers film
festival.
In 1994, Romney ran for the senate against Ted
Kennedy of Massachusetts.
He said then that he would be a better candidate for gay rights than Kennedy. But
the candidate for the 2000s opposed “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell,” gay marriage, and
gay adoption. Another time Romney told a very personal story of a family member
who had to endure an illegal abortion, and he vowed form that day forward that
he would always support a woman’s right to choose. Today’s Mitt says he would
like to see Roe vs. Wade overturned, and he would appoint the judges to do it.
Moderate Mitt was for forms of gun control
before Severely Conservative Mitt was against them. The Boca Raton Mitt behind
closed doors said a two state solution in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict
would not, could not, should not work. Don’t even try. However, Open Mic Night
in Boca Raton
had the Republican hopeful favoring a two state solution. Then of course there
was the tax cut that everyone was going to receive, then in the debates it
turned out it wasn’t for the wealthy—well, not really. Then when it came to
pre-existing conditions, there was an internal struggle in the Romney camp that
concluded something like yes, no, maybe so, certainly not.
What is the casual voter to do? Look those Mitt
Romneys in their collective eyes and say, “Will the real Mitt Shady please stand
up? Please stand up!”
Davy Brooks, teacher
Hammond, Louisiana
