Bobby, Can You Hear Me in the Bunker?
By Dayne Sherman
Talk About the South Column
Published in the Hammond, Louisiana, Daily Star, 4A-5A
Sat., Aug. 18, 2012 / 850 words
Revised
edition
Dear
Bobby,
I
hate to break the bad news. No, it’s not about Gov. Mitt Romney having the good
sense not to pick you as VP, nor that you weren’t even on his shortlist of candidates, nor that you didn’t land a prime speaking spot at the RNC in Tampa. The bad news is
something a conservative activist told me the other day. On Aug. 12 your
political career ended.
Yes,
not becoming Romney’s VP was the end of your political ascendancy. Blame Romney
or blame yourself, but it’s caput.
Maybe
you’ve already figured it out. Melinda Deslatte of the Associated Press ran a
story with the word “bunker” in the title regarding your administration’s
activities right now. Do your handlers let you read the newspaper in the
bunker? I hope you have cable TV and can get ESPN, air-conditioning, too. But
you need some reality therapy in a bad way.
A
week ago The Dead Pelican website ran an unscientific poll. I suspect the
readers are mostly conservatives. Did they let you see it in the bunker?
The
poll asked a single question: “Will Bobby Jindal continue to be a rising star
on the national stage, now that Paul Ryan has been picked for V.P.?”
Out
of 1,079 votes cast, 68 % of the respondents said either “No” or “Who is Bobby
Jindal?” Only 32 % said that your star will continue to rise.
Oh,
my!
I
think folks are catching on, conservatives especially. One Republican media
figure recently said to me, “Dayne, I believe Bobby Jindal is going to kill the
Louisiana Republican Party.” He wasn’t happy in the least.
The
problem, though, is how sad a moral specimen you’ve become, an empty suit, a
nihilist with only one belief left.
John Maginnis, the dean of Louisiana political columnists, opined that perhaps being present at the college exorcism and writing candidly about it may have been your very last unscripted act.
John Maginnis, the dean of Louisiana political columnists, opined that perhaps being present at the college exorcism and writing candidly about it may have been your very last unscripted act.
Bobby, you only believe in yourself. Can’t you see it?
I
suspect you don’t have a friend in the world to tell you the truth about
anything important.
And
how does it feel to be used by Romney? According to reports, he didn’t even
call you to say he was sorry for picking Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin). He
called five other shortlisters but not you. He picked Ryan, a man with a single
hero: Ayn Rand. Rand is a writer Rev. Jim
Wallis of Sojourners calls “a philandering Russian atheist.” But at least Rand
and Ryan have an ethos. A horrible ethos but an ethos nevertheless. An ethos is
something very similar to an ethic or sense of morality, and a way of life in a community.
Bobby,
you don’t have an ethos. There’s some interesting dialogue in The Big Lebowski, a great movie about friendship. You should watch it posthaste, and pay close attention to the "ethos" dialogue between The Dude, Walter, and Danny. Nihilism is bad, in part, because it
leaves you friendless. Who cares to be a buddy to a nihilist? It escapes me.
But if you had an honest friend, he might tell you the truth: you’re a
caricature of the worst sort of politician on the make, and it has gotten old
to Louisianans. You’ve sold your soul for personal political advancement, and
everyone seems to know it but you.
Have
you heard there is a giant sinkhole in Bayou Corne? Some say the thing could
blow up like a nuclear bomb, a genuine apocalypse that’ll make Hurricane
Katrina look like an afternoon shower. Why haven’t you been there with the
press? Are you scared of the possible explosion or that no one will show up but
sycophantic staffers with their iPhones to take photos, a press conference with
no press? It’s not because the press won’t show out of fear, but that you’re no
longer important enough to waste the drive.
Hey,
out of our longstanding friendship, I’ll go if you go. Call me the press. I’ll
write about it.
Bobby,
we are a resilient people here in Louisiana.
We have fought off hurricanes, levee failures, water moccasins, Yellow Fever,
Reconstruction, a host of carpetbaggers and scallywags, and the Civil War, not
to mention more bad governors and corrupt politicians than a country boy can
shoot in the butt with a Daisy BB gun. We’ll survive your reign, especially now
that your power is quickly diminishing. Thank God for the Law of Gravity.
So
why not come on back to earth, Bobby? Your career is all downhill from here on
out. Realizing this, however, may be the only thing that saves you from
yourself. Read the late Catholic novelist Dr. Walker Percy. I think his writings will offer a diagnosis for what
is really at stake in your downward slide.
Reading
Percy and surrounding yourself with some honest folks won’t save your career,
but it could help save your soul.
Come
on over to my place. I’ll brew a fresh pot of coffee. We can have a long talk.
There’s life outside the bunker. Isn’t it about time you try to leave lockdown
and go out into the sunshine?
It’s
not nearly as bad as you think.
Your
pal,
Dayne
======================
Dayne Sherman lives in Ponchatoula and is the author
of Welcome to the Fallen Paradise: A Novel. His website at daynesherman.com.
Web &
Social Media: http://daynesherman.com/
Talk About
the South Blog: http://daynesherman.blogspot.com/
Tweet the
South - Twitter: http://twitter.com/TweettheSouth/
Facebook: http://facebook.com/daynesherman (I'm taking a break from FB to get some writing projects done.)
***This
message speaks only for the writer, a citizen, not for any present or past
employer.***
